To not take breakfast in Spain is definitely not normal.  Everyone from the road sweeper to the King eats breakfast.  The hour varies – anywhere between 9 and 12 is acceptable but to not eat it at all is just unheard of and freaks like me who do not drink coffee and are not that fond of toast are singled out for the weirdo gallery.

One of the only times in my life I have been tempted to eat before 1pm was when I lived in Murcia.  Breakfast in the Murcia region is different, different to anywhere else in Spain.  It does not involve toast or jam or indeed butter.  In fact you win a major prize for spotting butter in Murcia.   Breakfast Murcia style is quite different to anywhere else in Spain.  It is a selection of half tapas.  The little plates are generally oval and are half the size of a normal tapas plate.  Breakfast would be 4 or 5 of them with some bread.  My favourite dishes were Patatas al Pobre or poor man´s potatoes.  A wonderful mixture of fluffy potato, peppers and onions fried together in some tasty olive oil with a little salt, pepper and parsley.  Can I tell you they might be called  Poor man´s Potatoes by they are fit for a king.  Other favourites of mine were the slices of cooked ham in olive oil and lemon juice and morcilla sausages with oven roasted cubes of potato and onion or for me the Holy Grail of a Murcian breakfast was the empanada.  A small diamond shaped pasty filled with tuna, boiled egg and red pepper.  With this exciting array of breakfast food I am always a bit embarrassed that the hotels offered the obligatory toast.  I suppose maybe they were trying to offer what they thought was a European flavour but it can never compare.  For me Murica is a relatively safe place to have breakfast.

I was quite surprised at the stark contrast between breakfast in this region and what is served in Madrid for instance.  The Madrileños eat toast, jam, butter and sweet pastries a bit like the French do.  There are chocolate and custard filled cookies, little aniseed cakes and lots of things with apple and honey.  I have to say none of these do much for me at breakfast time but each to their own.

Likewise here on the Costa de la Luz breakfast consist mainly of toast.  The usual butter and jams are available but they also offer you pate, Sobresada a type of fatty meat paste or garlic with tomato.  The latter is a very popular breakfast topping here on the Costa de la Luz for the obligatory toast.  It comes in various forms which range from straight forward grated tomato, to sliced tomato to a concoction called Salmorejo and here they manage to tempt even me on occasion.  Salmorejo is a cream or thin paste made from tomato, bread, wine vinegar, garlic, olive oil and salt.  It needs tender loving care to make a good one but when you get a good one you never forget it.  It is traditional to top the Salmorejo with thin slices of jamon or smoked salmon.  The making of  Salmorejo is an art and every family has its own safely guarded recipe.  It is one of those things that when you get a good one you never forget it and people specifically go to a certain breakfast emporium because their Salmorejo is the best.

Enjoy your breakfast I will be the weirdo in the corner with the Coke Lite in my hand.

Rental property is risky for both parties, the renter and the house owner. Many rental sites major on protecting the renter giving them the ability to post criticisms of the rental property and its management with complete anonymity but naming loudly the house owner and the property concerned. What you need to remember is that the house owner has a right to a standard of etiquette from the renter also.

I have worked in property rental for many years both in the UK and the Costa de la Luz and have experienced most things renting property can throw up – many to my complete amasement and shock. Everytime I think I have seen it all now “low and behold” yet another new and amasing disaster jumps up to remind me that I do not know it all. We need to get a bit of balance in this equasion – the renter may be paying 2,000 euros for a months rental but the house owner may well have paid upwards of 250,000 euros for the property plus all the setting it up, furnishings etc and the monthly bills associated with its upkeep. So who has the biggest loss if it all goes pearshaped? I would not for a minute dispute that there are bad landlords who double book, misrepresent their property, fail to delivery a clean and usable product etc but I would also point out that some renters fall far short of acceptable behaviour as well. We are not talking about smashed up properties where the insurance has to kick in and pick up the bill we are talking about everyday things which the normal educated person would not expect another normal educated person to do. Like, completely rearranging all the furniture in the house during a one week rental and I mean ALL the furniture including the mirrors and pictures! Why would you? Are you a frustrated removal man who needs to move the furniture around to match your own house when you are on holiday for one week? I don’t know but I have seen it done on several occasions. With obviously no thought for the poor cleaners who have to lug all the heavy furniture, TVs etc back in to the position the owners left them in.

Most property owners are proud of what they offer their clients and they have spent many hours shopping for and installing items to make the house nice and put their print on it. Would you rearrange your friends house furniture when you went to stay for the week or would you assume that might lead to the end of the friendship? What about the family of 5 who were all very nice and so excited to be on holiday in the Costa de la Luz. They went to the pool, they ate out in restaurants, they gave every indication of being normal well educated people and yet when they left in the middle of August in a typically Spanish 35 degrees they left 14 bags of household rubbish and a kitchen swarming with blue bottles behind them. How could you live in a house with the kitchen piled high in rubbish bags rotting away in 35 degrees and having to swot your way through the blue bottles to get to the fridge. Again I don’t know but it happened. I always ask myself if people do that in their own homes. The rubbish bins were at the end of the street so no problem there, they had two strapping sons who topped 6ft a piece and a mobile and healthy husband but still the thought of removing the rubbish even on the last day before they left did not enter their heads. Problems also arise regards payment for a rental property.

Most landlords have a payment schedule where you pay a deposit to reserve the property and the balance at a set date before you arrive. This all seems very reasonable. You go in to a shop and you buy a sofa. You pay a deposit and when the soft is ready you pay for it before it is delivered. Yet, I repeatedly have landlords telling me that people have not paid and when they contact them to pay they are shirty and say can I not pay when I arrive. The answer is simple. You agreed by the act of paying a deposit to abide by the terms laid down by the landlord. You cannot then vary the terms to suit yourself. Sometimes people say “oh but how do we know that the apartment is as described” well the answer is that you don´t you can only accept what the landlord has told you. On the other hand how does the landlord know that you are not a party animal with 10 Goth girlfriends taqging along who intend to party till all hours in his nice apartment and leave the carnage behind you when you leave “the answer” he does´nt. So, renting property has risk on both sides and if you do not feel comfortable with taking that risk then book in to the Hilton as you will be able to see exactly what their rooms look like on the website and they are a big American based company so you can probably litigate till the cows come home with them if you are not happy.

One word of advice for potential renters – get rid of the funny email you use to email your friends! Email addresses like blondbimbosgoparty@hotmail.com and wildbeerman@yahoo.co.uk do not fill landlords with confidence that you will take care of their property when applying for a rental. Of course everyone has to be careful but be reasonable as well. Stop seeing every landlord as the devil incarnate and if you are a landlord take time to answer people´s questions and make them feel at ease with you before they book. That way you will save yourself all the headaches further down the line. HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY AND COME BACK AGAIN SOON.

As you will know from my previous blogs I like food – I like it quite a lot really.  I also like where I live nestled between Cadiz and Vejer de la Frontera on the Costa  de la Luz but even paradise, and I do consider it to be close to paradise can get a bit wearing at times.

I thought time for a change of scenery even if it is only for a few days so on the old search engine I went and came up with The Hilton,  Villamoura.  “Bit of a busman´s holiday” the cynics said “why do you want to go there”?   Well you basically point the car towards Seville and turn left through Huelva, then when you see signs for Ayamonte you know you are almost there.  With luck on your side you can be there in two and a half hours door to door, no planes, no trains and no worries.
Resorts are not really my thing but when all you want to do is read a book and eat for a few days they can be very useful.  Of course they do expect you to leave the hotel now and again so they lay on a hotel minibus to make sure you are delivered to the right part of the marina and are not molested by any wandering Romani gypsies who have a quick tug at your designer label clothing as you parade along the marina.

First rule on visiting the marina – make sure you keep your jaw closed when it flaps open at the amount of blatant bling on display bobbing up and down in water.  They go for meters of shiny fiberglass here, some of them look like they were modelled on a Soho fettish shop window if its not big black and shiny then it does´nt get a mooring in this harbour.

Anyway head for  Il Lamparo the Italian restaurant at the end of the marina.  The full glass frontage makes it light and airy and the blue and white decor adds a cool touch.  Try the house wine it´s Italian and excellent.  While we made our selection they brought us a plate of nibbles, there were little bruchetta of  minced veal and herbs, calamari rings in crisp batter and smoked salmon on blinis plus a little bowl of very good olives.  We had the Bresaola to start, it came on a plate the size of a spaceship with  parmesan shavings, rocket,  fig compote and cherry tomatoes.  One was plenty between two.  Next we went native and had a half lasagna each as an intermediate course.  Well, I thought I had died and gone to heaven I was so out of it that I had to be ordered to stop making noises of ecstacy in case the other diners thought we were up to something in the corner.  It was creamy, the meat was as tender as an angels bottom and it was full of flavour.  The pasta melted in your mouth and the strings of cheese fought to keep their hold between your lips and the fork.  Finally, I had the veal with mushrooms which was moist, succulent and again full of flavour.  It was served with some delicious home made ratatouille and fine green beans which were also cooked to perfection. The dessert menu was an impossibility so we opted for two Cappuccinos – they came as a shock.  It was the real Mccoy if that is a suitable expression.  Strong and nearly black  underneath with a white frothy, creamy head and a good dusting of cocoa power on the top.   As any Italian will tell you that is how it should be – none of this milk in the coffee milarky. The whole meal was excellent and we got change out of the 85 euros we put down.

By evening two we were old hands at running the gauntlet of fluffy toy salesmen on the marina and managed to side step even the most tenacious gypsies.

Our venue for tonight was Zu Yi also in the marina past the large wine merchants.  It is very well decorated with a fine stone wall at the end of the main restaurant and the odd stone budha.  Water plays a part in the decor and the whole atmosphere is one of serenity and calm.  The friendly owner told us that we would have to wait 30 minutes for a table but managed to seat us after only 15 minutes of waiting on a comfortable seat inside the door with a glass of wine and the menu. We started with Chinese salad, Vietnamese chicken triangles  and  mixed dim sum.  The salad was fresh and tangy and contained some marinated seaweed which was unusual and very tasty, the Vietnamese triangles were lighly spiced and served with a mild curried sauce and the dim sum were delicately but beautifully flavoured and the ingredients undoubtedly fresh.  Our main courses were Shredded Chilli Beef with Chilli Sauce, Chinese style Duck and the old favourite Lemon Chicken.  The Beef was tender and surprisingly well spiced, the duck was succulent and very full of flavour and the  chicken was beautifully marinated in lemon then enveloped in a crispy batter.  The tangy lemon sauce came on the side so you could add it as you wanted.  A large pot of Chinese tea washed the  whole lot down and the bill only came to 46 euros which was excellent value for money.

I love my home and the Costa de la Luz but sometimes a break is just what you need to find your mojo!

Be honest with yourself about the type of holiday you want.  If you like evening entertainment then a property in a quiet location like Zahara de los Atunes may not be the best idea and if you are seeking a chill zone then the centre of Cadiz City is not for you.

Think about who you are travelling with.   If it is a  family holiday with grandparents  in tow then you need to consider accessibility to the house, bedroom, loo etc.  If you have small children then a villa with a pool might be more of a stress than a relaxation as you leap up and down making sure they don´t fall in.  Teenagers although they are relatively safe with a pool providing alcohol does not get in the way need something to do with themselves so you may want to be near a surf school where they can take some lessons and give you a break from the “I´m bored” whine that sometimes follows the 13 – 17 year old brigade around on holiday.

Two weeks in the middle of nowhere might be some people´s idea of heaven but especially if you are a townie the silence might drive you mad not to mention having to get the car out every time you want a pint of milk or an ice cream for the kids.

You need to rent a property which fits your family comfortably.  A sofa bed can be very useful  for the odd sleep over or weekend stay but if you are on holiday do you really want to put a bed up and down every day.  Plus if it is in the same room as the TV or where you intend to sit at nights you could be in for a few early nights if the person sleeping on it likes their kip.

Thanks to modern flight you can get to any country in the world but getting to the holiday let might need additional transport so you want to plan ahead.  There is no point in arriving at an airport after the last train or bus has gone and the taxis have gone home for the night.  If you are going to hire a car then check it out in advance as not all hire companies keep fleets of cars waiting at the airport.  Some only bring vehicles in when they have been booked in advance and although Spain is has a modern road and rail system there are areas such as Cadiz to Algeciras where there is no train line.  Although this will be remedied in the near future,  for now you need to be aware  and make alternative plans.
Factor in some extra cash for transport, a walk into the village is very enjoyable but the walk back with a few glasses of vino on board or carrying the two year old can dull the evenings enjoyment.  So you may need to get a taxi and they are dearer out with normal hours.  Then there is the day trip which in planning seems like a cheap day out but by the time you add it all up it can knock a hole in your pocket,  so a bit of spare cash will come in handy for the unforeseen extras.
Insurance, I know we all hate paying it because in general we never need to use it and it seems like money wasted but if your luggage goes missing or you have an unexpected health problem all of a sudden it comes in to its own.  Get something in place before you leave home for all it costs it is money well spent.

Now you would think it was self explanatory that when you are coming from a foreign country on holiday you will not be bringing your sheets and towels with you but in Spain some holiday let properties do not included linen and towels.  Always check before you book just in case.  It is also common for people to require that you clean the property before you leave so it is the same standard as when you arrived or pay for a clean.  This can be a fair bit of money so again make sure exactly what the deal is before you book.

Nothing is worse than arriving for your holiday to find the pool closed.   The resultant child tantrums don´t get the hols off to a good start so checking opening dates before you book  is really important.  Unfortunately, owners are not responsible if the pool has been closed due to unforeseen circumstances like a broken pump during the season but you can at least avoid booking out of season by checking the information in advance.

Lastly, and most importantly, most people like to go out for a meal or two while on holiday.  It gives mum a break from the kitchen and give you an opportunity to mix with the locals and see a bit of the holiday destination by night.  However, a bad meal can be a real mar on your holiday so make sure you take some sound advice.  Ask in advance where is good and have a cruise past to see if it is busy and what the place looks like before you book.   Don´t be afraid to ask to see the menu as this is quite acceptable in Spain and you might even want to have a drink in the bar and spend the time eyeing the set up to see if it looks like a place you will enjoy.

Well, that is the best advice I can give you.  Have a lovely holiday and hopefully we will see you again next year.

I parked the car in the underground and when I emerged from that dark exhaust filled cavern what I saw was akin to a scene from Dante´s Inferno.  There were men with moustaches dressed as babies with full size nappies and large dummies, there were men dressed as women complete with high heels and stockings,

there were women dressed as various animals, a cat, a couple of pantomime cows with udders and to top the lot three elderly and I mean kicking 70 year old  ladies wearing full nuns outfits with a ciggy in one hand, a bottle of Mahou in the other and a set of rubber replica male genitalia firmly strapped to their foreheads over their veils.

Maybe  I looked a bit shocked or maybe they just could not be bothered to venture further for a victim but one of the nuns said “where do you come from love”. “Chiclana” I replied and at that she leapt into her role as  conductor.  The other two old nags straightened up and put down their Mahou´s and with a wave of the self appointed conductor´s hands all three burst into song.  Having just got over the outfits the song managed to send me back into shock.  It was a bawdy little number about a girl from Chiclana and what she did on the weekends.  Nothing to do with working in a shoe shop more about her nocturnal activities.  I have to say it was probably an accurate listing of all the things your average teenage female would like to do on the weekend but due to sturdy window locks and  alert parents they only tend to lie in their room and think about it.  I certainly never managed to escape the homely nest and get up to what this girl did until I was over 18.  Don´t ask me why but when they finished I felt obliged to point out that I was originally from Edimburgo (Edinburgh) and only lived in Chiclana.  The hands got waved again and off they went into another three choruses of the same song but this time replacing Chiclana with Edimburgo.  At the end, all three in one perfectly synchronised move raised their hands and wiggled their strap on genitalia at me while winking.  I remembered the old saying that sometimes a swift retreat is the better part of valour so I thanked them (which didn’t really seem appropriate) and left.

I sat myself in a small bar, rang hubby on the mobile and told him I would stay put until he came and rescued me as some James Bond baddie had obviously put something in the water supply in Cadiz that was affecting the natives in a pretty odd way.

The TV was on in the bar as they always are in Spain and they were screening Carnival from all over Spain, Cordoba, Murcia, Granada on and on it went.  There were more men in babies nappies singing ditties, I hasten to add they had been toned down considerably for general screening to the nation and there were some women dressed as nuns but minus the rubber extras.  I watched  for a while but my attention kept on wandering to the merriment outside.  It seemed that Carnival  was all of a bit samey but Cadiz appeared to be doing it much better than the rather tame efforts on the TV.  The odd groups who came in the door of the bar every few minutes, gave a quick rendition and exited to cheers and laughs all round were a cut above those on the box. The barman told me “they´ll be at it till 4 or 5 tomorrow morning you know”.  As it was late February and cold I can only imagine that the alcohol and the party atmosphere served to keep them warm.

Hubby duly appeared and rescued me.  We set off in the direction of the car park again.  Just as we got to the  three singing nuns one raised her Mahou to salute me and promptly fell over backwards into the municipal gardens landing in a large patch of Poinsettias.  The other two nuns, a couple of men dressed as women with large inflatable boobs and a priest wearing stocks climbed in after her and hauled her to her feet.  I have to take my hat off to her – when they got her upright again and got her habit back down round her ankles instead of over her head  where it had come to rest, she still had a ciggy in her mouth and a full bottle of Mahou in her right hand with not a drop spilled.  I couldn´t help it,  I told her she could be an honorary Scot with drinking etiquette like that.
If you are in Cadiz in February take your life in your hands and see some of the Carnival  – I guarantee you will never see anything like it in your life again.